Thursday, December 29, 2011

Girl Talk

Do any of you follow HelloGiggles? They have some hilarious articles. Today's gem is "What Girls Talk About" - I was literally snickering in my cube on my lunch break, all by myself. 

What Girls Talk About

Last week, a guy-friend asked me, “What do girls talk about when they’re together?”

I thought about that for a minute.  ”Everything.”

“That’s impossible.  You can’t talk about everything. There has to be a topic,” he said in disbelief.

“I suppose sometimes we’ll talk about something, but mostly we talk about everything.”

He just couldn’t wrap his head around it:  ”In every guy conversation there is a main topic, there is a sub-topic and then there are the details,” he explained.  ”Main Topic:  Sports.  Sub-Topic: Basketball.  Details:  ’Can you believe Carmelo Anthony’…”

Now, I might be generalizing, but in the last 31 years of my life, that sort of methodical organization hasn’t existed in a single conversation I’ve ever had with one of my BFFs, ever.  For real.  I feel like conversations with my girlfriends are filled with digressions, randomness, complaints, experiences and then everything else unclassifiable that can conveniently fall under the heading “girl talk”.  That’s what I love about spending time with girlfriends.  The sheer level of our shared conversational-ADD is generally of epic proportions.
But what the heck DO we talk about?  After a recent evening spent with one of my BFFs, I decided to make a list.  This, guy-friend, is a chronologically ordered, topic-to-topic flow of four hours of girl conversation.

This is what girls talk about when we’re together:
Elastic waisted jeans
Forever21 selling maternity wear
Teen Mom
Eating too much and feeling fat
The hate we share for doing dishes
Dishwashers in NYC: do they exist?
Receiving jewelry
Receiving gifts
Receiving bad gifts
How to avoid unemployment
Christmas cards
Expired driver’s licenses
Lines at the DMV
The brand of coffee at my house
Dunkin Donuts Toasted Almond coffee
The yumminess of unsweetened, non-dairy coconut creamer
That creepy framed photo of my distant relative in my hallway
Coffee sweetener preferences
Time Warner Cable
My DVR list
Episodes of Mad About You
Our favorite types of pens
Our iPhones
Michael Buble
The amazingness of all Kiehl’s products
Our copious amounts of monthly bills
My amazing new mid-century modern wicker desk chair
Why we still like to write checks
Our families
Our crazy family members
Friends who visit
Friends who take advantage while visiting
Our shared desire to start canning jams & pickles
The gym and why we hate it
Eating disorders
The side effects of drinking too much sparkling water
The short-lived infestation German cockroaches I once suffered through
How to get rid of German cockroaches
Our boobs
Smelly candles
The Herp & other STDs we are thankful not to have
Back to wine
Shared friends
Flaky friends
Shared flaky friends
Back to eating disorders
The guy across the street who stares into my apartment
The other guy across who I see watching porn while he’s on his exercise bike
Porn, in general
One night stands
What it was like when we were in our 20s
What it was like when we were 20lbs lighter
The South
Wanting a snack
Back to eating disorders
Ex Boyfriends
Friends who have affairs
Friends who have open relationships
My uncomfortable Ikea sofa
Why I should stop complaining about my uncomfortable Ikea sofa
When Ex Boyfriends want to rekindle a relationship
80% cacao chocolate bars (aka gross chocolate)
The weirdness of foot fetishes
Common Gynocological Issues
Los Angeles
The 405
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Unprotected sex
Prescription pill-poppers
Our love of tea
Whole Foods
Fan mail
Starting a fan mail business
How to become someone’s Ghost Tweeter
The Golden Girls
Bad sex
Good sex
Really good sex
Reality TV shows
People we know who have recently moved
People we know who have recently died
Bar soap versus body wash
Why my having Celiac blows
Moroccan Oil and general hair care tips
Really wanting a snack
Friends who have babies
Having babies, in general
Commuting to work
Penis size
Our former bosses
Our current bosses
How our former bosses know our current bosses
Paying taxes
Back to paying taxes
Buying new computers and claiming them as an expense on your taxes
Our salaries
Having to call back my Dad
Making plans to see each other again
Wanting kittens
Main Topic: Girls.  Sub Topic: Many.  Details: Lots.

You know you relate to this article. I can't wait until the BFFs show up in February - its going to be nonstop talking, even though I literally talk to just about all of my BFFs every single day, whether through text or on the phone. (How many times can I say BFF in this entry? There it is again.)
hellacious day at work. By 4:15 I was so irritated with everyone/everything that I had to do, asking 5 questions and getting half an answer to one question, plus mind reading thrown in - I was cooked. So I came home, changed my clothes, and went to yoga. Charlotte & Raleigh people - check out Arrichion. (I think they're doing 20 days for $20 right now.)

I am so glad that I went. I almost went shopping instead, but the urge to sweat out my frustration won. And I just have one question - why are men so VOCAL about sweating? There were probably 10 guys in the class last night, and every single one of them made disgusting grunting sweaty noises the entire time. Can't you be quiet?! Suck it up dudes! Its 102 degrees in here for a reason!

Another random: (I know I'm all over the place lately but its my blog. So. And this is how I am in real life.) I just made a playlist of Lifehouse's "No Name Face" album and random Matchbox Twenty, and I suggest you do the same. Gabby reminded me how much I love that Lifehouse album (it came out in 2001!! Good lord!) over the weekend, and I've pretty much been playing it nonstop since.

One last thing - want to give a shoutout to my friend Jen who has taken on the 10 day challenge - she's a fabbity fab artist and all around awesome chick. Check her out!

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